The day the world went away

I'm trapped in the very place that only days ago I escaped to. I have been taken back to the beginning because of the actions of others. Maybe it stemmed from me but I was treated as a criminal last night, my only crime was being suicidal.

I was threatened to be kicked out of the house by the woman who took me in only days ago, I was threatened with everything under the sun. They threatened to break the door down on the phone, they went to my parents house and harassed them. They made the woman who sided with me think I am all the wrong labels that my parents demonise me with.

I am back to square one and have nobody in this world. This world is a cell to me maybe I'm just not right for it. The people who are meant to help me treat me so badly. The police officer I talked to last night was aggressive, condescending and showed no attempt to understand anything she didnt already understand. I can't excuse my own actions and that they cause distress for others but I'm not right and I just need anyone.

I'm laying in bed now because I was up til 6am. I'm not coming out of my bed all. It's funny how you revert back to childish beliefs and actions in moments of terror and distress. My bed is my last fortress right now.

If you're reading this I apologise to you and I know you were only trying to help, but your heavy handed approach has cost me so much and brought all the things back I escaped from. I don't blame you at all I blame me, I put you in that place where you had to make that decision and I apologise for that. I understand what you did was probably for the best interests of me. I don't want to argue with you and I know you think I do but I don't. I think it was as much you being hostile to me rather than just being friends. You say "all we do is argue" etc but we have no choice not to when you say stuff like that. I can't really word what I'm saying well right now and I know you won't talk to me again but I'm sorry and thanks for trying, even if what you did caused a lot more suffering.

Who knows where to go from here. I'll probably be taken away again now. I can't trust anyone, they said they wouldn't come to me last night but they did anyway. All these people say they're there to help but they don't realise they push you further into corners. Their actions are soulless and follow their guides and teachings which they think are appropriate and apply to all. People don't care about inviduals but rather applying the same 'treatment' to everyone.

Everyone I know goes away in the end.